I feel like Sybil.
....I really love being a mother. Maybe too much. No I mean I REALLY love being a mother.
Anthony leaves in 48 hours. I am excited for him, these are going to be the best times of his life (other than finding his soul mate, getting married and being a father!). He has grown to be a lovely young man- respectful, kind, compassionate, sensitive.... all the things a mother wants in her son. I am so happy and proud and truly thrilled for him, I cant wait to see what happens next!
BUT...
I am greiving. I am in mourning for my little boy. I want him at five again. I want his lispy voice telling me completely boring stories about some lame cartoon character. I want him laughing so hard milk comes out of his nose and runs into his plate, as his father leaps from his chair in outrage. I want him shoving fists full of candy into his mouth at the halloween party and then shaking from the sugar shock. I want him asking why a gazillion times and then two more. I want him humming to himself, tucked safely into his car seat. I want him telling on Andrew once again... "Mommy, baby has a pen"..... I want him showing off his karate skills in the dojo, his chest bursting with pride as he keeps one eye on us and the other on the instructor. I want him prancing around in his ninja turtle outfit. Mostly I want the sweet kodachrome memories to spring to technicolor life. A rewind button is in order here, I think.
XXOO
P.S. Amy, this is KILLING your mother.
P.S.S. Sorry if that was painful but it is true.
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2 comments:
Mrs D!
guess what a shock i got when i read this someplace other than ur blog! "my goodness", i said to myself, "mrs. D wrote this here essay in the hartford courant! wow!" haha- it's so cute. i love it. and i think i'll save u a copy and put in on ur fridge for when u get home.
-love
rachel
To my dearest sister, this is the hardest thing to do as a mother, to watch your child go off to college and be so happy about it and you are trying so hard to hold back the tears, you want to be so happy for them, but the wonders of wether they are going to be ok and if they get sick will they know what to do. I feel like this when Ashley goes back to college each year, last weekend she left my house on Sunday and went back to Rick's house, and she is going back to school this Sunday, I was fighting off the tears when she was leaving our house, as soon as she left I totally lost it, I could not stop crying, I miss her so much, she is growing into such a wonderful woman and I am so proud to say this is my daughter, she has such great plans for her future and she really knows what she wants out of life. I just for one day wish she could be 2 years old again and she came to me for everything, those days are gone, but I know she loves me very much and I know I had a big part of who she is today and this is very comforting to me. I find myself playing one of her songs that she sang at college last year over and over again in my car the same song, what a feeling I get, I can't describe it! I just wanted to tell you that I understand what you are going thru, and to tell you that Anthony is not alone, because he has his Angels watching over him everyday, he will do just fine and also you are being watched over by your Angels also, when Anthony comes home each holiday cherish every moment and make new memories, this is what I do with Ashley, I Love her so much it hurts, so I live for the new memories we can create when she is with me and I know she is going to be ok. I hope this helps you a little bit my lovely sister, I Love you with all my heart and I hate to see you hurting, but it will be ok. Love you always, your sister, Laura.
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